So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
