3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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