Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
