Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
