i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
