it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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