Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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