remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
