So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
