Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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