Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
