NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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