I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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