Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need to align my fucking chakras
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
