When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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