I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
