My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
