You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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