Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
