There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
