She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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