Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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