I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ttyl tear gas
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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