swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
