I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
