Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
