The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
