my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
