He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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