so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize