We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
