If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk is a universal language darling
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
