he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
