just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
