I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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