I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
