he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
