I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
handjob tips. give me some.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
