so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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