ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
