That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My penis needs a shock collar
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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