Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
