Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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