how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
