so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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