i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
