my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude i'm inner monologue high
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
