Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
