some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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