Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
