Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
