Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
