Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
