highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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