I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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