Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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