So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
