he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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