is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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