it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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