another moral hangover. fuck.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
