she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's the barista slut.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
