He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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