2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
