There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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