Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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