Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
