I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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