He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
