I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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