how can u be prego again
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
