I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
