I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
