I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
