my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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