i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
