i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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