Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
