So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
