is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
