Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
